Thursday, August 20, 2009

Sometimes you just need a swift kick in the ....

I won't go into why it's been so long since I last posted. That's for another day, another posting. So here goes nothing.

My first posting was based on a favorite pastime of mine, collecting quotes. Below is a quote from a forgotten but funny FOX show.

A promise to a woman is just a lie that hasn't happened yet.
Unhappily Ever After- 8-16-1998

Why this gem?
Because it's the 350th quote I managed to scribble in my quote book for that year and I really enjoyed watching that show. It was made with the hope that it would become the next Married With Children ...with a twist.

Picture an Al Bundy type but with schizophrenia. Yeah, FOX was taking on the big issues WAY before HOUSE M.D. was a twinkle in the eye of David Shore or while Hugh Laurie was still on the funniest show on BBC One, Black Adder. I'll let you choose the starting point.

Anywellness, the 'Father Figure' Jack Malloy played by Geoff (pronounced Jeff) Pierson would talk to a stuffed bunny name Mr. Floppy ( Please insert any 20 - 30 year old penis joke here) voiced by....wait for it. Wait. Wait. Here it comes. Assume the position... BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT! while dealing with an aging wife. a hot to trot daughter played by Nikki Cox, and an idiot for a son.

Unhappily Ever After lasted four years and banged out 100 episodes on FOX. Plus it launched the careers of Nikki Cox (Who is WAY more FUCKABLE that Megan Fox!) and Geoff Pierson. Now if you don't know who Geoff Pierson is, then you've never watched an episode of Dexter, 24, LIFE or It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. And for that you have my pity.

A couple of personal side notes for the year that was 1998..
I collected 699 quotes that year.
I moved the Staten Island.
I started working for The Metropolitan Opera House. Yeah, I've been to the opera, what about it!
I gained the best friend anyone could have, one Mike Gilbert. Love ya Man!
I stopped going to a little known bar called The Cubby Hole.
I started going to a little known bar called Jake's Delimma.
Mad TV was actually funny.
TV Guide was small enough to fit in your pocket, worth collecting and culturally relevant.

So, with that said, I'll run the spell checker, post it and hopefully someone will read it and comment on it.
I want to say a special "Thank you' to someone.


Thanks for kicking me in the ass! I needed that!
Good night.
Good luck,
Good drinking!

Lincoln C

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Love the opera, hate Scott Rudin

It's been a long while in between postings and that's my fault.

I want to write, really I do. I need to write, as a venting process. I must write more, to become a better writer (and a typist.) I have to write, for the successful future of me, not for the fame of being a published author. My writing resume speaks for itself- More on that later.

The quote below comes from an old co-worker. I worked at the Metropolitan Opera House Call Center. Yes, boys and girls I worked as as Customer Service Rep or CSR or whatever clever name the term spinners in marketing are using now. Working at the Met gave me an education in snobbery, corporate greed and all things opera, and I loved it. Hated management but loved my job.

"Tell hayseed over there to comb the hay out of his hair. We're in the city now, let's try to act like it!"
Bad Sam @ work 11-23-1999

Sam said this aloud after answering a call from what he considered the lowest of the low...the general public. Usually, Sam answered calls for the Patron Department.

In Met terminology a 'Patron' was a person or corporation that made an monetary gift, starting at a two thousand dollars and up to and over a million annually. In exchange for this yearly gift Patrons were afforded rights & privileges that were far beyond that of the average opera goer. At a certain level of giving a Patron could choose their seats for any performance, gain access to the special practice performances and talk to snooty CSR's who would treat them like a God - In retrospect it all seems a little silly but I digress..

Anywellness, one day Sam was chosen to help out and take calls from the general public. These callers knew as much about opera as Helen Keller knew about Facebook. Sam HATED talking to people who were below his ilk. He ended every call that day by putting his phone on mute and making a comment about how dumb or inbred the customer was. Don't get me wrong, some people were adamant about their stupidity, others were willing to learn and thanked you for helping them out. Sam didn't care, he only wanted to speak to his million dollar clients and feel connected to the money they had.

Is the quote funny? HELLA YES! You know it is.
Was Sam too cruel to his customers that day? Almost. In his defense I can honestly say that after talking to the rich & famous everyday for five years, you start to believe that the only people you
SHOULD only talk to are the rich & famous.

Have I used that line? YES! I've gotten some great laughs from it.
The quote made my book because I knew I'd be able to use it later and sad to say... felt the same way Sam did when I was asked to take calls from the general public after working for the Patron Department for six months.

Some of my best and worst memories at the Met come from talking to Met Patrons like, the late Paul Newman, the late Tony Randall and that prick of a Hollywood producer Scott Rudin.My hate for Scott Rudin is still fresh after all these years...put it this way if I had the power to put any human being in the ground and get away with it, I would do it with glee in my heart, smile on my face while dancing an Irish Jig.
I'll have to explain the reason why in another blog post.

Till next time.
Feed the fish.
Drink long & strong
Don't drink & text or drink & drive.

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